Husband : (calls up Hotel Manager from room) Please come fast, I am having an argument with my wife & she says that she will jump from your hotel window.

Manager : Sir, I am sorry, but this is a personal Issue.

Husband : this is a maintenance issue!!! The window is not opening!!!

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“And will there be anything else, sir?” the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two.
“No thank you,” the gentleman replied. “That will be all.”
As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. “Anything for your wife ?” he asked.
“Yeah! That’s a good idea,” the fellow said. “Please bring up a postcard.”
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A hotel is a place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in business.

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A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: “I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?”
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, “I’ve been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I’ve never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I’ve never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I’ve never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you’re welcome to stay here, too.”
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Hotel Jokes
A person checks into a hotel for the first time in his life, and goes up to his room. Five minutes later he calls the desk and say, “You’ve given me a room with no exit. How do I leave?”
The desk clerk says, “Sir, that’s absurd. Have you looked for the door?”
The person says, ” Well, there’s one door that leads to the bathroom. There’s a second door that goes into the closet. And there’s a door I haven’t tried, but it has a ‘do not disturb’ sign on it.”

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A farmer, who went to a big city to see the sights, asked the hotel’s clerk about the time of meals.
“Breakfast is served from 7 to 11, dinner from 12 to 3, and supper from 6 to 8,” explained the clerk.
“Look here,” inquired the farmer in surprise, “when am I going to get time to see the city?”
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A traveller pulls into a hotel around midnight and asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk fills out the paperwork, the man looks around and sees a gorgeous blonde sitting in the lobby. He tells the clerk to wait while he disappears into the lobby. After a minute he comes back, with the girl on his arm.
“Fancy meeting my wife here,” he says to the clerk. “Guess I’ll need a double room for the night.”
Next morning, he comes to settle his bill, and finds the amount to be over $3000. “What’s the meaning of this?” he yells at the clerk. “I’ve only been here one night!”
“Yes,” says the clerk, “but your wife has been here for three weeks.”

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A not so rich couple decided to stay at a very exclusive hotel for a night. The manager immediately recognized them for what they are but could not throw them out, instead he decided to be clever. In the morning the couple came to settle the bill and were surprized to find they owe $3000.
“How’s this? We’ve only been here one night!” the man was annoyed.
“So?”, said the manager, “this is a very expensive hotel. We have golf courts, tennis courts, swimming pools, exercise rooms, bars and restaurants, all this is very expensive to keep up.”
“But we didn’t use any of these!” explained the couple.
“If you didn’t use – that’s your problem,” came the reply.
“In that case, you owe me $2000. You see, my wife is a call girl who charges $5000 a night, so please settle your bill,” said the man.
“What do you mean?” the manager was taken off guard, “I didn’t sleep with your wife!”
“If you didn’t use – that’s your problem!”
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HOTEL RESTRICTIONS
Rivkah Green from Denver decided to go on vacation to Miami in the 1920’s. Upon arriving she attempted to check her baggage and settle into a quality hotel.
The concierge told her, “Sorry, there’s no vacancy.”
Just then, a man and his wife suddenly checked out.
Rivkah exclaimed, “Thank G-d! You now have a room.”
“Sorry”, the man behind the counter replied, “This hotel is restricted.”
“And what does that mean?” she asked him.
“Jews aren’t allowed here!”
“Well what makes you think I’m Jewish?” Rivkah shot back.
“I know you are!”
“Well, I’m not! I’m a Catholic! ” she insisted.
“So tell me, ” the man replied, “Did G-d have a son?”
“Sure.”
“What was his name?”
“Jesus.”
“And where was he born?”
“In Bethlehem, in a stable.”
“And WHY was he born there?”
“Because a shmuck like you wouldn’t rent his parents a room!”

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TOP SIGN YOUR MATE IS CHEATING ON YOU: Motel 6 names him “Customer Of The Year”
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HOTEL HEAVEN
Following a distinguished legal career, an man arrived at the Gates of Heaven, accompanied by the Pope, who had the misfortune to expire the same day. The Pope was greeted first by St. Peter. who escorted him to his quarters. The room was somewhat shabby and small, similar to that found in a low grade Motel 6 type establishment. The lawyer was then taken to his room, which was a palatial suite including a private swimming pool, a garden, and a terrace overlooking the gates. The attorney was somewhat taken back, and told St. Pete,

“I’m really quite surprised at these rooms, seeing as how the Pope was given such small accommodations.”
St. Peter replied, “We have over a hundred Popes here, and we’re really very bored with them. We’ve never had a lawyer.”
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They had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years.
To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large
city and they checked into a plush hotel.
She said to the bellman, “We refuse to settle for such a small
room. No windows, no bed, no fan,” she complained.
“But, Madam!”
“Don’t `But, Madam’ me,” she continued. “You can’t treat us
like we’re a couple of fools just because we don’t travel much,
and we’ve never been to the big city and never spent the night
at a hotel. I’m going to complain to the manager.”
“Madam,” the bellman said, “this isn’t your room; this is
the elevator!”

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Bill, Jim & Scott were at a convention together & were sharing
a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper.
After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that
the elevators in their hotel were broken & they would have to
climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.
Bill said to Jim & Scott, “Let’s break the monotony of this
unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I’ll
tell jokes for 25 flights, Jim can sing songs for the next
25 flights and Scott can tell sad stories for the rest of the way.”
At the 26th floor, Bill stopped telling jokes & Jim began to
sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing & Scott began to tell
sad stories.
“I will tell my saddest story first,” he said. “I left the room
key in the car!
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Burford is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take
a shit real bad. The toilet in his room isn’t working, so he bolts
down to use the lobby Men’s Room, but all of the stalls are occupied,
so he runs back up to his room, and in desperation, he drops his
pants, uproots a plant, and takes a shit in the pot. Then he puts
the plant back in the pot and leaves.
Two weeks later, he gets a postcard from the hotel that says:
“Dear Mr. Burford… All is forgiven. Just tell us…where is it?”
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At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy
asking what time the bar opens.
“It opens at noon,” answers the clerk.
About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding
even drunker. “What time does the bar open?” he asks.
“Same time as before… Noon,” replies the clerk.
Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered, “Whatjoo
shay the bar opins at?”
The clerk then answers, “It opens at noon, but if you can’t
wait, I can have room service send something up to you.”
“No… I don’t wanna git in… Ah wanna git OUT!!!”

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Rejected Motel 6 Advertising Slogans

• Because you deserve better than the back seat of some car.
• With Monica as the spokeswoman: “Because some stains you want to keep”
• If We’d Known You Were Staying All Night, We’d Have Changed the Sheets
• You rented the room, now buy the video.
• Sure, you could stay someplace nicer, but then you wouldn’t have money
• left over for a hooker.
• We’ll leave the Lysol for ya!
• Hey, we’re not the Ritz, but just try bringing your secretary there
• on *your* salary, pal!
• As seen on “COPS”
• Not just for nooners anymore.
• We left off the 9, but you know it’s there.
• Blurring the line between stains and avant garde sheet art since 1962!
• Clinton comes here… Why shouldn’t you.
• We put the “Ho” in “Hotel”

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Staying at an economy motel, Fred ordered a 6 a.m. wake-up call.
The next morning, he awoke before 6, but the phone did not ring
until 6:30. “Good morning,” a young man said sheepishly. “This is
your wake-up call.”
Annoyed, Fred let the hotel worker have it. “You were supposed
to call me at 6!” he complained. “What if I had a million-dollar
deal to close this morning, and your oversight made me miss out
on it?”
“Well, sir,” the desk clerk quickly replied, “if you had a
million-dollar deal to close, you wouldn’t be staying in this
motel!”
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Innkeeper: The room is $20. a night. It’s $7. if you make your own bed.
Guest: I’ll make my own bed.
Innkeeper: Good. I’ll get you some nails and wood.

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A Guy was staying in a fancy hotel and was enjoying the pool
when the manager told him quite bluntly to get out. When asked
for the reason, the manager said, “Because you peed in the pool.”
“Well,” replied the swimmer, “lots of people do that.”
“True,” answered the manager, “but you did it from the
diving board.”

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If you’re not used to the sound of running water while you
sleep, never book a hotel within 5 miles of Niagara Falls.
The wifely person and I stayed at a hotel overlooking the
falls once. I ended up getting up every half hour just to
jiggle the handle on the toilet.

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Willard pulled into the little town very late and every hotel
room was taken.
“You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded. “Or even just
a bed – I don’t care where.”
“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant,” admitted the
manager, “and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you
the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have
complained in the past. I’m not sure it’d be worth it to you.”
“No problem,” the tired travelers assured him. “I’ll take it.”
The next morning Willard came down to breakfast bright-eyed and
bushy-tailed.
“How’d you sleep?” asked the manager.
“Never better.”
The manager was impressed. “No problem with the other guy
snoring, then?”
“Nope, I shut him up in no time” said Willard.
“How’d you manage that?” asked the manager.
“He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,”
Willard explained. “I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek,
said, ‘Goodnight, beautiful,’ and he sat up all night watching me.”

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Cheap Hotels
• They advertised running water in each room, but I did’t expect it to come from the ceiling.
• They only served three meals. Breakfast on Monday, Lunch on Tuesday and Dinner on Saturday.
• I couldn’t complain about the room service. There wasn’t any.
• They changed beds twice a day – from one room to the next.
• I had running water in my room. Shame it never stopped.
• Everything was cold except the ice water.
• The hotel has started stealing towels from the guests.
• It was so big by the time you crossed the lobby you owed for a day.
• When I asked for hot towels, the told me to put the cold ones on the radiator.
• If you ask for a 7.00am wake up call, they wake you up at 6.00 just to tell you that you have an hour left to sleep.
• The hotel was advertised as ‘Bed and board’ – I couldn’t tell which was which.
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